How Do You Define Success?

This past winter, I submitted my success story at a women’s business conference: How Women Work.  It was selected for publication in a charitable book this fall.  All proceeds will go to pay for coaching for women who cannot afford it with “the aim to empower them towards a better future for themselves and their families”.  This is my second story selected for a charitable  publication.  You can find the first story here and purchase it here.  Here is my success story, graciously edited by the women at How Women Work:

 

From passion, to freedom to empowering others

 If you look at the words on paper: female doctor turned entrepreneur, loving wife, mother of two, and friend to many, then yes, I am successful in the traditional sense.

At the young age of five, I dreamed of becoming a doctor. If I had to define success while growing up, it was finding something I am passionate about in life, learning how to do it and doing it well. It is the “doing it well” that matters the most to me even now. Success is also overcoming obstacles that come my way. I grew up as a first generation Serbian American in Cleveland, Ohio. I first learned to speak Serbian. My parents exposed me to English, so that I could be fluent by the time I started school. For the first two years, I attended an inner city public school. I was so happy at school but sad when we moved as I was a good student. I was in the lead in a reading contest when we left three quarters of the way through my first grade year. However, my parents knew the importance of getting us out of the inner city. Long after we had moved, one of the neighbor boys was shot and killed in the alley behind our former inner city home.

At my new suburban public school, I was shocked when I couldn’t even test into the lowest reading group. I was devastated by the whispers of putting me into the remedial reading group. That reading group carries a label, a label that I felt would have been damaging for me. Fortunately amongst the hushed whispers was also the astonishment at to how high I had scored in math. One teacher had the wherewithal to question why things did not add up. Subsequently, I was placed in the lowest reading group; I remember crying all the way home that day, I was 6 years old. By the time I entered third grade, I had moved up to the highest level.

My parents never discouraged me and their support was invaluable. But unfortunately, they did not know much about the American university system. School guidance counselors and teachers were not much help either. One teacher told me not to apply for Ivy League colleges as I wouldn’t “fit in” as a Midwestern middle class suburban girl – this despite my having the scores to get in. Thankfully “sans” Ivy League education, I got to where I needed to be.

After medical school and family practice residency, I chose to live in Seattle, my beloved rainy city. I fell in love, married, moved away, had a baby, moved abroad, and then had another baby. It was my time in Seattle where I felt at the top of my game (career wise) and truly enjoyed what I did best as a doctor. I delivered babies and took care of the whole family unit. It was a mutually respectful and rewarding relationship. I recall during this time watching an Oprah show about predictors of life happiness. Many of the predictors were about how fulfilled you were by your career. I was fortunate to feel very fulfilled and to have found my passion early in life.

But as you can imagine, when you add two children and multiple moves to the picture, it can become very difficult to sustain the level of practice that was once so fulfilling: delivering babies, taking phone calls in the middle of the night, and getting home late because of that 5 o’clock emergency. This is when my definition of success expanded. I wanted the freedom (of location), the flexibility (to work when it was convenient for me) and better balance. I was weary of the insurance companies dictating the best “care” for my patients, weary of standing behind corporate principles that I didn’t uphold and weary of caring for everyone else’s family but my own. I didn’t want to be the hairdresser who never had time to do her own hair, the mechanic who never had time to maintain her own car or the dentist with the terrible teeth. I wanted to be the family physician who had time for my own and my family’s health and wellbeing.

These were the thoughts that prevailed in March of 2007 when I took one full year off with my son. It was a magical year. For the year, I was a full-time mum to my son Liam. During this time, I also felt successful. Liam and I talked endlessly. I answered questions about the world and told him the most creative fairy tales at night.

Then a friend commented after reading my yearly “Girl’s Health and Beauty Newsletter”, “You write well. You should start your own blog.”  The difference words can make. The idea was born to launch my own website and become virtual. I could combine all my passions by providing up to date information as well as provide reassurance for patients anywhere in the world by giving free advice. Many of the patients that I had cared for in Seattle relayed that they had not found a doctor that they trusted in my absence (of 6 years) and many of my expatriate patients would call on me for a second opinion.

I have long been inspired to start my own business. The inspiration comes from having the first practice I joined “fold” and almost go bankrupt after 30 years of being open. We were not taught how to run a business in medical school. Therefore, I spent months researching an internet business and in September of 2010 my website www.expatdoctormom.com was launched. To me this was an even bigger success than becoming a doctor. It took me out of my comfort zone and forced me to learn a new skill. My next success will be to make my website world renowned.

If I had to define success today, I would define it as finding your passion, doing it well and doing it with the freedom and balance that you desire in life. To this I hope to soon add that the ultimate success will be to empower other women to do the same. But, as with my first definition and even now, I expect my definition of success will continue to evolve as I do. Success was not only about finding my passion but has been created by all of my defining moments: becoming a doctor, a wife, a mother and a friend to many. These are equally if not more important to me as career success. In each of these roles, I am imperfectly perfect. And as I learn through my imperfections, I improve. And as far as measuring success goes, growing up it was measured by the achievements along with the dollars at the end of the achievements. I have learned it is not just the dollars or the achievements but so much more which defines and creates success.

 

Discussion

Your turn. How do you define success?

3 years ago by in My Projects | You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_LRXKGKXBNMOPWMQEPNTAYAGEWM Dialurdoctor Medrx

    Thanks for sharing it

  • Jenny

    I could have told you that you were a successful woman, mother and doctor back in 2007 when you were my doctor who cared for me throughout my third pregnancy in the thirsty land of Doha. Thank you for sharing. You inspire me to do more and better.

  • http://expatdoctormom.com/ Expat Doctor Mom

    Thanks Jenny! It is tough, the balance as well as maintaining an identity whether you choose to work, cannot find work or choose not to work! I am glad to have inspired you!

  • http://expatdoctormom.com/ Expat Doctor Mom

    Thanks for the comment? Why no email address listed?
    Dr Rajka

  • Anonymous

    Enjoyed reading your reflection on success.  You are a success on many different levels!  I am lucky enough to have benefitted through the years on your success as a doctor and more importantly, as a friend.  Now I am benefitting from your success in sharing your passion and knowledge with others on line!

  • http://www.expatlifecoach.com/blog John Falchetto

    This is one of my favorite questions, as a coach I ask it often.

    For me success means being true to my values. Whatever field I apply my efforts, as a father, a business owner, a coach, a team-mate in sports, as long as I keep my energy aligned with my values I will consider myself successful.
    Unfortunately we are brought up to think that success is a goal, a point in the future.
    Success isn’t a specific moment when we win a new client, or teach our children something new, or win a race. Success is a constant effort on this journey called life :)

    Great post Rajka.

  • http://expatdoctormom.com/ Expat Doctor Mom

    Well said John! Had no idea we should be asking this of ourselves…

    Good for you for staying true to your values. It is so easy in this world to go for the quick buck and not provide quality or stay true to yourself.

    Thanks for stopping by as always!
    Rajka

  • http://expatdoctormom.com/ Expat Doctor Mom

    Thanks Mary Ann! I feel luck as well to have you as a friend. Like attracts like! From one “successful” woman to another!

    Thanks for commenting, it helps build this online community.
    Rajka

  • http://fearfully-n-wonderfullymade.com/blog Rachel Lavern

    I think a lot like John.  The problem with ‘success’ is that whatever your definition of success, it is something you’re looking
    for–something that exists in the future. It is based on your desire to
    achieve something…your feelings that you’re not where you want to be.

    The trap of
    striving for this future success is never-ending. You strive for
    more, and then when you get it, you strive for more again. You are never
    satisfied.  Striving is a condition that doesn’t have an end, unless you
    give it up.

  • http://expatdoctormom.com/ Expat Doctor Mom

    Rachel

    Thanks for stopping by the site! I like that way you put “it is a never ending striving. Ugh! I was just thinking today, I am happy where I am. Shouldn’t that be enough… then thought of all the potential projects again always striving!

    Take care,
    Rajka

  • Louise

    This is a great post and very topical for me as my business is all about success abroad. I link success to a sense of feeling fulfilled and where that sense of fulfillment comes from can vary from person to  person – fulfilled as a mother/father, fufilled in a challenging but rewarding career, fulfilled by special interests and hobbies.

    Questions that help me focus are:

    What areas/interests in your life give help you to feel enthused, energised and fulfilled?

    How can you plan to build these into your life more regularly?

  • http://expatdoctormom.com/ Expat Doctor Mom

    Dear Louise

    Thanks so much for the compliments and your input!

    Love the questions to ask.  Will add them to my list of questions to ask myself over this next year as we restructure our lives!

    Glad to see you on the site and look forward to networking!

    Best,
    Rajka

  • Tori

    Hi Rajka

    What a wonderful entry and so inspiring. I’m one of your fellow contributors that wrote in the book ‘What is Success’ also. Interesting how we all approached it slightly differently but there are common themes througout. I think the main theme being success is how we define it ourselves. Contrary to what Rachel feels above, I don’t think success is sequential or a ladder we have to climb, I believe it’s a way we live our lives and how we grow as people whilst giving back. The ladder effect isn’t always satisfying. You can read a copy of my success entry I submitted to Carolin here, it involves Kids in Cambodia and Skydiving (not together) ;) http://createsend.com/t/r-1B9A1CA515990FA6

    Honoured to be a part of this exciting project with such an inspiring woman as yourself.

    Kind Regards

    Tori

  • http://expatdoctormom.com/ Expat Doctor Mom

    Dear Tori

    Nice to “meet” you online!  We must meet in person one day as we seem to have a lot in common.  Are you NYC?

    Your kind words mean so much to me!  I must say, I find you equally inspiring! Thanks for sharing your link for my community to be able to read!  I love this line from your story:  “  …because the essence of real success is not about the milestone or what you acheive after all.  It’s how you get there, how you engage other people, who you impact and the difference you make along the way.”  LOVE IT!

    I am equally honored!

    Best,
    Rajka

  • Tori

    Hi Rajka,

    I only just saw this. Yes I am NYC based, living and working here. I also go back to Dubai where I grew up and England where I am from often for work and vacations. 

    If you happen to be passing through New York, please let me know and it would be wonderful to connect. My ‘day job’ is in Pharmaceuticals empowering patients, looking at QoL and enhancing physician-patient communication. I’m sure we would have lots to talk about. I think you have my email via this entry, right?

    Best wishes and continued success ;)

    Tori

  • http://expatdoctormom.com/ Expat Doctor Mom

    Tori

    I sent you an email and would love to connect one day in NYC or Dubai if you ever come this way.

    Ironically, I met your sister before she left. The world is “small”!

    Best,
    Rajka

  • Elsbeth

     What an inspiring article.  Your life story is amazing.  I’m glad you are sharing your successes and failures through this website.  I want to think about how I define success and set some goals now.  It’s also nice to get to know my little Oliver’s new doctor.  My husband and I were thrilled to find you and have already told several friends about your office.  Thanks for giving us so much time and care on Wednesday!  Elsbeth, Nik and little Oliver

  • http://expatdoctormom.com/ Expat Doctor Mom

     Elsbeth

    It was a pleasure to get to know your family!  I am flattered that you have told friends! 

    In regard to goals and having kids. I find I can achieve a lot within one year if I simply do little bits at a time.  This was very foreign to me as before I had kids, I would do big projects all at once.  It is all about balance as you share your time with the most important people in your life: your family!

    Best,
    Rajka